Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
