You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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