sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Are my feet made of real feet?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
