THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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