Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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