well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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