Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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