Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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