I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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