I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Welp...herpes.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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