I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
