remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
