Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
