if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
