Already got asked if we're dating
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
