Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
