I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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