He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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