I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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