I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
