you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
