cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
