dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
