Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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