On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
