OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
