woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
