Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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