Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
