They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
