He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
