I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
