You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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