You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
