Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
