a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
