How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
