If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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