FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
