I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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