And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
