Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
