WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
