Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
