you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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