I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
