oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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