my mouth tastes like poor choices
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
