What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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