Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize