Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
