I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize