never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
