I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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