how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We got so high we made milksteak
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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