mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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