Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
