found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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