well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
