is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
