Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
