I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
