Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
