Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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