Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
