I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
