I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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