I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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