just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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