I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
