we made out on top of his cat.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize