genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
